One patient’s choice to say goodbye

An active member of our community, Fred lived close to our hospital. He’d grown up during the Great Depression and while he never had children of his own, he was committed to bringing up the next generation. Fred was a school teacher, vice principal and guidance counsellor. He also volunteered with Scouts Canada and became a mentor to many of the young people in his Pack.

Predeceased by his siblings and having never married, Fred’s nieces and nephew were his family. “We’d talk almost daily about world events and hockey,” recalls his niece Carol*. “He also loved crosswords and would call me from time to time with a list of word clues.”

As time passed, Fred’s health began to decline. “When we went to the hospital, he asked for information on medical assistance in dying. His social worker was excellent and took care to explain everything,” Carol continues. “Quite simply, he no longer felt that he had a good quality of life. So my uncle spoke to me and my cousin very honestly about his wishes.”

“My cousin and I didn’t want to say goodbye to him. But we knew the decision was his to make and that it hadn’t been taken lightly. Whatever he wanted, it was important that we go along with it because it was the right thing for him.”

A thoughtful planner, Fred made a list of items for Carol and her cousin to see to ahead of his passing. 

“Some people have time to prepare and others don’t. Our uncle did,” remembers Carol. “When all the boxes on his list were checked, he laughed and we knew that he was at peace.”

Fred stayed at Michael Garron Hospital for two months. Part of this time was spent in palliative care. “The staff there treated him extremely well. There was lots of interaction and such kindness,” says Carol. “Some of the nurses came in and gave him hugs with tears in their eyes knowing they’d soon have to say goodbye.” 

When it came time, Fred didn’t want any members of his family to see him go. 

Among his last wishes was a generous donation to our hospital. “He donated because of the care he received. The team should be so proud of the way they handled everything. Their compassion truly went a long way,” says Carol. “He also wanted people in similar situations to know this option exists.” 

Now two months after Fred’s passing, Carol has had time to reflect on what she’d say to others struggling with their loved one’s end-of-life choice. “Look at the life the person had, and how wonderful it is to have had them for so long. Try to accept that they don’t want to be suffering,” she says. “It’s not easy. But as time has gone by, I am actually grateful that my uncle had the opportunity to go on his own terms.”

Thinking on her deeply personal experience, “I honoured the wish of someone I love very much. Love is a powerful thing, right? When you love someone and they are asking you to understand their decision, you can only love them for the choice they’ve made and honour that decision with love.”

Our hospital team supports people at some of life’s most challenging moments, from the birth of a child to the death of a loved one. Please donate today.

*names have been omitted or changed for privacy